Feb 22nd, 2012
Doggie dreams.
Feb 9th, 2012
Pretty sure I learned this from a nurse, but I can't remember...
Jan 27th, 2012
QUESTIONS ONLY SCIENCE CAN ANSWER
Jan 12th, 2012
I'm sorry I checked her out, baby. You're prettier.
Jan 3rd, 2012
I don't understand arson, but I respect anyone with a hobby that gets them outside.
Dec 23rd, 2011
We all know it's about the gifts, anyway.
Dec 12th, 2011
I owe you jewelry after that comment, don't I?
Dec 1st, 2011
Make sure to keep an eye on the kids!
Nov 17th, 2011
It's been a quiet, wonderful few months.
Nov 10th, 2011
You too?! Well alright! It feels good to be in the 1%.
Oct 31st, 2011
Plus, I'm going to lie to you anyway... might as well pretend that I'm pretending.
Oct 26th, 2011
So how about we recreate the big bang?
Oct 20th, 2011
It's just that it's really cold out, and I'm very lonely.
Oct 12th, 2011
Despite the indecision, I always have my morning coffee.
Sep 27th, 2011
I should have asked her the Friday I got paid.
Sep 23rd, 2011
Although, I think Michele Bachmann is kind of a clown... so would I be raped by Michele Bachmann? Shiiit...
Sep 16th, 2011
They got double billed because it was a sexy dream and this ain't free.
Sep 6th, 2011
I didn't have the heart to tell her I owned a Kindle. It would have crushed her spirit!
Aug 26th, 2011
I kind of liked that dude, looking back.
Aug 17th, 2011
Because you WILL get to the hating eventually.
Aug 2nd, 2011
Yeah, no, the word perennials sells more.
Jul 26th, 2011
You worry too much.
Jul 14th, 2011
Seriously, Jesus Christ princess. Someone's going to have to want you baaad if you keep acting like that.
Jul 11th, 2011
I blame them for this country's problems more than I blame politicians.
Jul 5th, 2011
Come on cabbies, Jamal is a super nice guy.
Jun 24th, 2011
20% off four rolls or more of toilet paper! THUG LIFE!
Jun 13th, 2011
But I'll wait until after the burgers are done.